


Stray Pieces

by my_sweet_jinmin



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Accidental Death, Blood and Injury, Cutting, Domestic Violence, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Minor Violence, Multi, Suicide, hyunghyuk is barely in this, they're just dating in the au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 06:34:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15679956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_sweet_jinmin/pseuds/my_sweet_jinmin
Summary: What happens when someone breaks completely? What happens to those stray pieces that are left behind?





	Stray Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> Lots of notes lol, be sure to read 'em. 
> 
> This takes place in an AU of mine where Monsta X are a group of friends that all live together. In this AU, Wonho, Changkyun and Jooheon are trans girls. Also Kihyun can see peoples emotions, as well as ghosts. And other stuff but that's irrelevant
> 
> The only relationships are HyungKiHyuk (But HyungKi's relationship is toxic) and JooKyun. Everyone is polyamorous though. I plan to do more with this AU in the future, which will expand on all these things!! And introduce other, new things.
> 
> Unbeta'd btw so Beware

The air in the bathroom is stifling and freezing (even more so than usual, as its the dead of winter and the fans running) the chill causing little shakes to wrack through Jooheons body. But she tries to ignore it, despite the way the fans cool breeze nearly burns her flesh on contact, because she needs the fan on. Its buzz will conceal any noises of pain she may make or the inevitable sound of her body collapsing against the bathroom tile. 

Her fingers twirl a small piece of metal between her digits, like you would with a pen. Except the only thing this “pen" spells out is her untimely demise. There's a big piece of her that's nearly indifferent to all of this, drowning out the part of her that's terrified with ease. 

Her mind then begins to wander, thinking of if this is how Changkyun felt when she was falling from that building. When Kihyun got too close, when her foot slipped, when it was all an accident. Jooheon wonders what was going through her best friends mind back then, as she stares at her reflection in the tiny razor on her palm. As she makes the first incision just below her wrist, she wonders if the girl of her dreams had any regrets as she fell. Wonders if she was scared at all, or she secretly wanted that to happen. What the truth is, no one will ever be sure just like no one will ever know exactly what compelled Jooheon to take her life. Whether it was the accidental death of her friend and fiancé a month ago, or the sounds of Kihyun and Hyungwon attacking each other wafting through the walls, or even if it's just the glue holding those shattered pieces from her abuse finally giving up. 

No one will ever be certain, not even Jooheon. 

By now, she riddled in a few thin and shallow cuts- which makes her stomach twist because they resemble the marks her Changkyun used to give herself. So Jooheon, hands shaking from either the cold, the pain or nerves, swallows thickly and begins to cut deeper. She doesn't want anything about her or about the situation to resemble Changkyun, she doesn't want to claw at still the fresh wounds on her friends’ hearts by doing this. Besides, those first few wimpy cuts (despite hurting like hell) won't get her anywhere. But it's still far too painful to go deeper then she already has, each drag of the blade against her skin threatens another scream from her lips and she doesn't want anyone to come running to her aid. Not until it's far too late. 

Eventually, Jooheon realizes that in order to keep those screams at bay she needs to distract herself from the pain. Thoughts of Changkyun instantly fill her mind, bringing a thin and weak smile to her lips. Her Kyungie always could cheer her up, no matter the situation, even if this time it's not quite enough to keep Jooheon alive. 

With every slit across her wrist, different memories of Changkyun flit across her thoughts, bringing tears to her eyes. The tears start streaming fully when she considers how the two of them met. 

Back then, it was much warmer, the summer sun glaring down on Jooheon’s back as she walked home from school. They were so young then too, and totally clueless to who they even were. She vividly remembers seeing who she thought was a guy (This was far before Changkyun knew she was trans and before Jooheon came out), laying by the side of the road and dressed head to toe in black. It took her a second to realize that she wasn't unconscious, which ultimately forced Jooheon to explain to Changkyun why this random upperclassmen ran to her side all of a sudden. Changkyuns laugh was breathtaking then, as it always was. 

The two of them ended up walking over to the park together, as Changkyun had nowhere to go back to and Jooheon’s mother would've killed her for having the audacity to bring someone home with her. So they found themselves swinging on a swing set in the stifling summer heat, talking for hours and hours. Talking until the sun vanished beneath the horizon. It turned out that Changkyuns parents were just as horrible as Jooheons mom, but for different reasons seeing as they ignored her constantly. The only time they paid the young girl any attention was when they were insulting her or comparing her to Jaebum, her older brother. So she would pull stunts like this where she wouldn't go home for days on end to get them to yell at her. Changkyuns longest streak was a week and a half. 

The feeling of Changkyuns hand in her own burns on her palm as she's reminded of them walking back towards the younger’s house to drop Changkyun off. She'll never forget the way Changkyuns fingers interlocked with hers, bringing a warmth to Jooheon that had never been felt before.

Kyungies warmth was the only thing she held onto that very night, when Jooheons mom beat her within an inch of her life for coming home so late. Memories of Changkyuns touch always helped Jooheon through the worst, and now here that damn girl is again in the olders thoughts, holding Jooheon as blood flows out of the blondes arm in thick steady streams. Already, her vision is taking a turn for the worse as everything around her becomes increasingly blurry and obscured by black splotches. Its so bad that the cuts on her arm have gone from almost perfectly straight lines to curved diagonals. She realizes, just barely through the haze of blood loss that she's about to pass out. Its actually happening, this is almost over for good. She can see Changkyun again..

Theres a smile on her lips as she slips off the bathtub ledge and onto the freezing floor, body collapsing into a bloody heap. 

_______

Suspicion arose in Kihyun the moment he arrived home from his walk with Wonho as the sound of a fan whirring met his ears. A fan? In this weather? That's absurd. Either someones being idiotic and about to give themselves a cold… or worse. The peach pink haired man sheds his coat in a hurry, not even bothering to hang it up or anything. There's a terrible feeling in his stomach, screaming at him that he's such a damn idiot for starting that fight with Hyungwon. If he had just left Hyungwon alone like a good person, then he wouldn't have had to leave in the first place to go cool off and the sound of a fan wouldn't be so terrifying. But no, his temper is too out of control for that.

Vaguely, in the back of his mind, he remembers hearing that same hum while he was underneath Hyungwon, on the losing side of their fights for once. But at the time, he had been so caught up in returning Hyungwons punches that he didn't care. 

He should've cared. Because that was over two hours ago. 

Kihyun sprints throughout the dorm, checking every door and looking for every one of his housemates as fear burns him alive and makes him sick to his stomach. He could've just looked for the others’ Auras and seen if anyone was missing that way, but he's scared of not seeing one. Scared of there only being four Auras instead of five. So he searches the hard way, the long way, and counts off a list in his head. 

Wonho was with him on the walk he took, insisting he needed someone to talk to even if was just about dumb things to distract from his anger. It worked, like it always does. Because Wonhos smile is too bright and infectious to resist. But the important part of this is that Wonho is just fine, even if a bit worried by how frazzled Kihyun is suddenly. 

Hyungwon is who Kihyuns the most worried about. The younger of the two has a tendency to hurt himself after the two fight, as a way of venting his remaining anger and guilt onto himself. But what if he went too far? What if that stupid fight cost Hyungwon’s life? Kihyun would never forgive himself. Thankfully that's not the case at all. A sigh of relief falls from Kihyuns lips when he opens a bedroom door to find Hyungwons head on Minhyuks lap as the platinum blond sings him to sleep sweetly. The sight is wonderful, even if seeing that bruised face so soon after an intense fight fills Kihyun with a mixture of guilt and annoyance. It's complicated. But he pushes those feelings and thoughts to the side, because he has more pressing issues at hand. 

Shownu doesn't worry Kihyun that much at all, because their oldest is probably the healthiest out of all of them, always preferring to just bluntly state when something bothers him in any way. Which is effective at dealing with any issues before they explode. (Maybe Kihyun could take a page out of Shownu’s book…). Just as Kihyun thought, he finds the oldest half asleep on his bed with a novel he barely started resting on his face. Kihyun can't help but think that he's like a bear in hibernation. The idea cheers him up a little, even if for only a moment. 

It's the easiest to figure out what happened to Changkyun. Kihyun almost looks for her, almost, because the wounds are still new and there are times it feels as if she never left at all. But he knows that she has, because he would've seen her ghost by now if she had stuck around. Part of him wishes she did, for the sake of not leaving behind Jooheon at the least. 

Jooheon. 

Kihyun’s heart nearly stops. How come he didn't look for her first? With the situation she's caught in combined with the horrible way she deals her emotions, Joohoney is by far the most at risk. And with everyone else ticked off the list, it has to be her. 

Wordlessly, thoughtlessly, he finds his way to the bathroom door. This can't be good, he knows it can't be because everything is too quiet and his chest is too tight and- is that blood? A distinctly metallic scent absolutely floods his nostrils when he walks closer to the door, and everything freezes for a moment. There's blood and there's silence aside from the whizz of the fan. Its been hours and that damn fan is still running. 

Kihyun doesn't even have to open the door at this point. He just knows. But he needs to see it for it all to be real, despite how all his nerves are screeching at him to just runaway. Kihyun just ignores it, and slowly, ever so slowly, slips the door open. 

There's a scream, sudden and distant and ringing in Kihyun’s ears. It takes him a moment of staring at Jooheon’s limp body in horror for him to realize that scream was absolutely his own. The blood- oh god, the blood- its everywhere, splattered across the floor, dripping off the ledge of the bathtub and worst of all, its covering his precious Joohoney. 

“Christ" Thats the only thing that Kihyun can manage to strangle out of his dry and coarse throat, eyes watering and stomach churning. He feels sick just looking at her body, but still he steps just a bit closer to Jooheon. Kihyun needs to make sure that she's completely gone, that there's no hope of him saving her. Thats theres no chance of telling this broken girl how he really felt. 

When he's close enough to touch her, ignoring the fact that he standing in a puddle of her blood, he reaches out and grabs Jooheons hand. 

It's still warm. 

There might be a chance, he could maybe save her. 

Kihyun almost considers calling an ambulance- but then he's feeling for her pulse… and there's nothing. Nothing at all. Tears pour freely down his cheeks as the sound of about four pairs of footsteps bounces off the walls of the dorm. They've no doubt heard his screaming, which is just great. The others are rushing over and they're going to see that they've lost not only the youngest, but the second youngest as well. None of them could protect their sweet girls. 

Kihyun doesn't bother moving when he senses the others presence in the doorway, feeling about as dead as Joohoney and Kyungie are. But he does flinch when Minhyuk shrieks. Because he knows that sound, knows that raw unbearable pain. How could Minhyuk not scream and shout desperately? His little sister was just torn away from him. 

“Jooheon!” Minhyuk's screech burns in the dead, freezing air like a dangerous and roaring fire. “Joohoney wake up right now!!” The platinum blond is demanding now, body thrashing against Hyungwons grip on his figure as trails of tears paint his blotchy red cheeks. Kihyun can tell by the way Hyungwons face is pressed into Minhyuks messy hair that the brunette is whispering sweet, comforting words. But nothing, not even Hyungwon’s soothing timbre can break Minhyuk out of this hysteria. 

Kihyun spares a glance at Shownu, noticing instantly how the oldest stiffens under his distant gaze. He must really look like a wreck if its making the normally extremely calm and adaptable Shownu tense. But Kihyun doesn't care. Can't find it in himself to give a shit about anything when his heart and all his feelings were taken away with Joohoney.

When he glances over at Wonho, he almost feels worried, because the poor thing is nearly hyperventilating. Fingers tangled in her onyx black locks as her eyes flit around the room, searching for answers. Answers that aren't,  
there, answers that will never be there. Her breaths are coming out in short, labored huffs and Kihyuns about to stand up to help her- but it's a little late. 

Wonhos face pales and then her body crumples underneath her- unable to hold up her own weight if she's unconscious  
_______  
An hour, or maybe more, drains away as the four of them wait by or on Wonho's bed for her to wake up. Shownu had easily carried her here, worry glinting in his eyes despite the way he's drowning most of the situation out. Kihyun knows that their oldest isn't shutting down exactly, he's just dealing with everything in segments. Taking in and coping with each obstacle one at a time. That's just what works for him. Unfortunately that also means that Shownu tends to be pretty unresponsive for the most part while he does this, but they've all learned that it isn't a red flag. But right now, his eyes are pretty emotional. Maybe because he doesn't want Wonho to feel like he doesn't care when she wakes up, or maybe it's because of the way all these issues keep piling up is actually too much for even him. That thought scares Kihyun, because if the healthiest person he knows is crumbing under all of this- how must the others be managing?

Just with one look at Minhyuk’s red, puffy eyes and utterly lost expression, or with the way he can tell Hyungwons crying begind his hands (Despite how the brunette usually waits until hes alone to let his tears flow) Kihyun knows that they aren't holding up at all. And neither is Kihyun, if he's being completely honest. How could any of them be okay when the dorm is already far too quiet with Jooheons voice. Without Changkyun and her bickering over something dumb and laughing brightly together afterwards. Everything feels emptier without the two of them. 

When Wonho does finally stir awake, she appears confused. As if she isn't sure exactly what happened. Her words are weak and hushed as she starts to speak, but Kihyun hears them loud and clear. Because what she says breaks his heart. “Please tell me today was just a dream… please tell me we didn't lose her..”

All he can do is shake his head silently, knowing that if he spoke now, he'd break down into a fit of sobs. And Kihyun really doesn't want that. Someone needs to be the pillar of strength that Shownu’s struggling to be. Someone needs to be that quietly listening friend that Changkyun always was. And someone needs to have that bright warmth Jooheon never failed to bring everyone. If that person has to be Kihyun, then so be it. 

So he pulls Wonho close, managing a small, sad smile as he pushes her bangs out of her forehead and places a kiss just above her brow. The older girl begins to relax at this, her muscular arms reaching up to wrap around Kihyun's middle to pull him closer. They stay like that for a while, just enjoying each other's company and silently comforting one another. 

It's not long before Shownu joins the embrace, touch soft and soothing like that of a childhood teddy bear. And then there's Minhyuk, wedging himself between the three of them with heavy sobs that violently wrack through his entire body. None of them mind in the slightest that Minhyuk forced himself in between their cuddles, because each of them just know he needs it the most. Finally, late to everything Hyungwon slings his spindly arms over the rest of them, his eyes clearly damp but no one mentions it. 

In that moment, everyone feels safe. In that moment everyone knows that they all can make it through this somehow, as long as they've got each other.  
______  
The air around Kihyun is just as freezing today as it was on that day a year ago he lost everything. A breeze pricks his arms even through Kihyuns thick jacket, while he stands in the middle of a graveyard, in between Changkyun and Jooheon’s gravestones. Its been far too long since he's seen either of them, and that simple fact alone is enough to make his eyes burn. But he holds back the tears.

Things have only just recently returned to what they can call normalcy, and Kihyun doesn’t want to ruin that by rekindling his grieving. The only reason he's even here now is because he's never shown up before, always been too scared of being pushed over the limit if he visited them, scared that all the pieces he's worked so hard to glue back together will fall apart again. But so far everything's fine. 

Sort of. 

There's a second reason why he's here, though. A reason in the form of a weight in Kihyun’s chest, one that's been dragging him down for days now. He just recently had a huge fight with Hyungwon. Not one that was physical or anything, as the two of them swore to themselves and each other not to raise their fists at one another ever again. Which has severely improved their relationship, but the both have tempers that will never stop clashing. Never completely. And so they argued again, for the third time in one week. Kihyun said things he regrets, as always and Hyungwon retaliated, as always. But the things Hyungwon told him have been a parasite in his mind ever since the argument, and Kihyun knows there's only two people that can help him right now. Even if they're not living, Kihyun has a feeling that they'll be listening. Even if their spirits are nowhere to be found, he just knows he can vent to them.

So Kihyun pulls out his phone and presses play on a song that he’s sure his youngest best friends would've enjoyed. Then, he starts to tell the girls about the many thoughts swimming around in his mind.

By the time the songs last few notes are fading out, Kihyun is crying fully and bringing his story to a close. One thing led to another and he found himself having a breakdown over not only what Hyungwon said to him but also over Changkyun and Jooheons passing. A breakdown he never let himself have. He tries his best to let all of his emotions out, relinquishing control for just a moment (Despite how hard that is for him to do) in order to free himself of his sadness, guilt and anger over everything that's happened to him this past year. Because if he pushes all his feelings into the deep recesses of his mind like Jooheon used to, he knows he would end up meeting her again all too soon. 

When everything is said and done, he feels much lighter. Like a weight has been taken off his shoulders, finally. His deep, brown eyes drift up from the grass, to the sky- where he’s met with the most breathtaking sunset he's ever witnessed. It's like those little brats are telling him that all the stray pieces will fall into place, eventually. That even the coldest of evenings hold some beauty if you’re just willing to seek it out. A smile forms on his lips when that thought crosses his mind.

In that moment, he feels ready to take on anything. Even that much needed and dreaded conversation with Hyungwon that the two of them have been avoiding for ages. 

Kihyun isn't sure what will happen from here on out, if he'll stay with Hyungwon or if Minhyuk will ever be the same again, or even if they'll lose anyone else. But there's one thing he's certain of, they'll never be without Changkyun and Jooheon’s love and support. 

For now, that's all he needs


End file.
